Bringing it home
BRINGING IT HOME
We have been quarantined for almost two months now. The first month was a huge adjustment because I came down with something awful. It came on feeling like a gastrointestinal virus. I was tested for COVID-19 but it came back negative. Yet, I continued to have horrible and terrifying symptoms for 10 days. I was awakened each night with cold sweats, chills, tremors, unbearable joint pain, chest pressure, elevated blood pressure, dizziness, nausea, unbelievable headache, weird buzzing throughout my body, burning sensations on my skin, pressure and a bubbling sensations in my sinuses, congestion, scratchy throat, heart palpitations, and an out of body fogginess. It felt like I was hypothermic or going into shock sometimes. My doctor told me to isolate and it was the most horrible thing not to hold my kids and be there for them. I was extremely fatigued and winded some days and then it would all go away almost where I felt normal then it would come back just as strong. Eventually, I was told to go to the ER but they ran some tests and took my vitals. Everything was normal so they sent me home with muscle relaxants and a diagnosis of anxiety!
I have slowly been feeling better since I left the ER but I still have recurring icky flu-like symptoms, scratchy throat, headache, upset stomach, chest pressure, and painful joints off and on. I know my body and I know my mind. I can't believe it was JUST anxiety. Anxiety doesn't cause scratchy throat, congestion, sinus pressure, and joint pain!! I do think I may have had anxiety over and above my illness because of the trauma my body was going through.
Since then I have been trying to see my home in a new way to help me stay calm and grounded. I am so grateful to be with hanging out my family again and to be enjoying their company, watching their favorite shows with them, or helping them manifest their creative ideas.
I started to look at the light in my home and see how created a new reality on fabrics and details at different times of day. I began loosening up and playing like I do in the ocean. I am making new images with the feeling of softness and strength inspired by the work I have been creating over the years in the ocean. I am also making new images of my family in moments of pause as they try to adjust to a new normal.